gutsy \ˈgət-sē\ adjective
- marked by courage, pluck, or determination.
- a: expressing or characterized by basic physical senses or passions. b: rough or plain in style: not bland or sophisticated.
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a long time. Nearly three years now, to be precise. I was held up for two reasons:
I couldn’t think of a name.
Now, that’s kind of a stupid reason and also doesn’t exactly sell you on my wit and creativity as a blogger. Way to kick things off, me. But I didn’t want just any name, I wanted the name. “No Guts, All Glory” is already taken, and as much as I love a good poop pun, “Poop, There It Is” or “Shit Doesn’t Always Just Happen” just weren’t cutting it for the project I was imagining.
But the real reason – the massive, paralyzing, skeleton-in-my-closet-that-I-sometimes-can’t-admit-exists-even-to-myself reason – is this:
It’s been really, really hard to be honest.
We’ve been through a lot in the last few years. Throughout, I have been told that I’m brave, that I’m strong, that people admire my ability to stay positive and keep a sense of humor. The truth is, I am often the opposite of all those things – you just don’t see it. It’s far easier to turn a hopeful, sugarcoated face to the world than to invite pity or admit that sometimes I’m a selfish, anxiety-riddled asshole who occasionally – or frequently, especially in that first year – just wanted to quit. I didn’t want pity, and I didn’t want people to know I was so very flawed, and so I mostly tucked those things away to silently fester. I couldn’t be honest. I didn’t have the guts.
But to try to represent our journey in a way that denies or glosses over the ugly parts rings painfully hollow. This life can be rewarding, inspirational, filled with joy – but it is also so goddamned hard, and sometimes the hard parts don’t have any redeeming qualities or a bright side, they’re just really goddamned hard. I couldn’t bring myself to write a blog that pretended that soul-crushing side of things doesn’t exist, not least because it could be damaging to anyone who might stumble upon my words in the depths of their own struggles. And so I didn’t write.
In the last three years, I have done a plethora of things I didn’t know I had it within me to do. These things were not brave. They were necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say they could never do what we do – but that’s simply not true. I’m a mother, and I do what’s necessary, and you would too. Writing these words feels like the first truly brave thing I have done.
And so I’m mustering my courage and setting out to be honest. I’m going to leave now and hit publish before I chicken out, because I’m still not really all that brave. But I’ll leave this promise here: This is a place for honesty. Sometimes it will not be beautiful; sometimes it will not be inspirational; often it will be covered in shit. And yes, there will be loads of crappy poop jokes. That’s this gutsy life.
Follow @ThisGutsyLife on Twitter
I’m so glad you started this blog! I can’t wait to see it grow! You rock 🙂
I hope you find this super helpful for yourself, I have no doubt it will be to countless others! I can’t find a subscribe button, but I’ll be following closely.
I think there should be one in the bottom right if you’re on desktop view. But I could be wrong. I didn’t take the time to figure out the technology before I put words in it, lol.
Loooove this. I can’t wait for your next post!
💗 Hopefully it will not disappoint!
While we are on very different journeys in motherhood, I can definitely relate. Sometimes life is so absurd that all you can do is laugh at it, and I love that you get that! Either you laugh or you cry… Much better to laugh and poke fun at the ridiculousness that life has presented than to sit around and cry about it (although that happens too, big, fat, ugly cries with snot coming out of your nostrils making you look like you have walrus teeth or maybe that’s just me…). Anyway, I can’t wait to read your shit.
Love you and your snotty walrus teeth, lady.